Let’s get right to the point. These are doll eyes on a stick. They’re the kind of creepy doll eyes that get stuck in the head of a doll that goes to sleep when you lay it down, and wakes up when you pick it up. As long as the doll is upright, the eyes are open, staring straight ahead, emotionless, at whatever you put in front of it. As creepy as dolls are, these eyes are ten times creepier on a stick, and a hundred times creepier in a bowl, mixed half and half with jelly beans or maybe gobstoppers. I keep these eyes in box where I can’t see them, a box that I rarely ever go into for anything. I keep them out of sight and out of mind because I don’t really care to be awoken by night terrors in which the evil cactus-lord summons his minions to rise from the deserts and seek out all mortals, injecting them with their death-drenched needles, converting the unfortunate into blood-drinking zombi-cacti, while the others run screaming into the ocean where they slowly become exhausted and drown, and I am the sea.
What I’m saying is if you ever have a friend that works in a doll factory, and he invites you to a come to his Halloween party where they plan to drill holes in the top of vinyl baby doll heads, then plug their necks with 35mm film canisters, then fill them with alcohol, stick a straw in them and drink out of them… don’t.