Morbius is one of those pesky Marvel characters that invades the story lines of otherwise respectable titles in order for Marvel to maintain their copyright. He first appeared for a short time in the mid 70s and then promptly vanished from existence for nearly two decades. Then for some reason, in 1992, they decided to revive the already “Living Vampire” and give him his own series. To promote this return of a character 90% of their audience had never heard of, they distributed these plastic fangs to comics stores who then passed them out for free to their customers. I got my pair, but of course never opened them. (They’re worth more sealed).

I’m not really sure why Marvel thought handing these out would lead to sales, but this was the early 90s, the comics industry was in free fall, and there was no limit to the kind of wacky tricks they were willing to try to turn their numbers around. In an era of issue #0′s, multi-variant gatefold covers, and polybags, this little item was barely even visible on the hype radar.

The Morbius series lasted a full three years, ending in 1995. Since then he has had numerous cameo appearances. I’ve never read any of them.

Rebel Transport Assembly Instructions
As with most children of my era, Star Wars toys made up a disproportionately large percentage of my personal toy empire, second only to maybe Lego. At its peak I had well over a hundred figures, at least a dozen major vehicles, and countless other accessories. Although I never threw any of these treasured possessions out, their numbers have dwindled from year to year…a mysterious phenomenon which itself has never been given the sort of serious attention and study by the scientific community it deserves, since I feel that I am not the only one to have experienced this, but I digress. Of the few that remain none are more peculiar than my Rebel Transport Assembly Instructions.

This six page, 8.5″ x 11″ tri-fold instruction manual explains, mostly via illustration, all the important things one needs to know before embarking on a journey across the galaxy or, as alluded to on the cover of the manual, engaging in a dogfight with TIE Fighters. Among the things included are Floor and Turret Assembly (for adults only), how easy it will be for any prisoners you capture to escape, and how to put a gas mask on Princess Leia.

We are also reassured on page one how much the people at Kenner (now part of Hasbro) “Really Do Care” and to show how much they care they include a form which you can cut out and mail to them (third class?) for replacement of broken or missing parts. This used to work, I know because I did it once, but I’m not sure I’d try it today.

Rebel Transport Assembly Instructions (pdf)

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